A year has come and gone, and it’s time I document the most special day of my life. The day I became a mother. That day resignates in my heart as so many things, but mostly just sweet + precious. I remember the nerves and excitement driving there, the anticipation of the contractions, the nod of approval when it was time to push. The pep-talk. “I am going to give birth. I am going to do this. I can do this.” The doubt, “I can’t do this. I don’t know what I’m doing. Am I ready?” Well..Here I am. A whole year later…Here to tell you, that I did it. I’m doing it. And I want to do it again, ten times over. Here’s the story of that time I brought a child into the world.
February 08, 2017 – This day started out like normal, I woke up, could not roll myself out of bed due to my lovely case of Pubic Symphysis Diastases. In short, it’s the separation of your pubic bones without fracture, about 31% of pregnant women get it. It’s debilitating and in my case prevented me from rolling over, putting my pants on, or tying my own shoes. #goals A-NY-WAY. I had Ryan help me roll out of bed, and I went to work. That day one of our clients’ happened to be my OBGYN’s wife. So I conversed with him for a short while about how I was ready to pop and he left me with “well maybe I’ll see ya tonight!” I rolled my eyes and told him I’d see him at my next appointment..Because there was no way that I would be lucky enough to go early all by myself! That night, my water broke.
February 09, 2017 – I woke up at 5:30 AM on my side, straddling my pregnancy pillow. I remember the voice in my head saying “Did I FOR REAL just pee the bed?” Pissed (literally,) I got myself out of bed to go finish my business in the bathroom. Right when I stood up, a flush of water came gushing out..I hopped my huge ace to the bathroom, peed, and tried to orient. “Did my water break or am I losing it?” Another gush came out in the toilet, and I flipped on the lights and said “Ryan!! My water just broke!” Let me tell you people, I have never in my life seen him move so fast. I mean he flew out of bed. I stood up off the iron throne, and ANOTHER FREAKING GUSH of water came out. Immediately I flipped on the shower and got in. I washed + shaved my entire body (well best I could people,) and got ready. My contractions were about every 10 minutes at this point, and not super intense yet so yes, I got ready. Did my hair, a quick contour, called my mama, and was out the door by 6:30 AM.
We arrived at Riverton Hospital around 7:00 AM after making a necessary pit stop at good ole fashioned Mickey Dee’s! By the time I got there, my contractions were pretty frequent and intense. I got wheeled up to Labor + Delivery and both my diaper (not a joke,) and leggings were soaked through with water. #yum The nurse took me back to LDR 3, I was so excited because when we toured the hospital, this was the room I loved. I felt so lucky that it was ready + available just for me! Once I changed into my robe, she checked my cervix and you guys..I was NOT EVEN AT A ONE! No dilatation at all..Zero. Zilch. Zip. Because my water broke, she wanted to make sure I gave birth within 24 hours to prevent complications, so she advised I start Pitocin to get things movin’. The nurse asked if I wanted the epidural, and I told them I wanted to wait until I was at least at a five. WRONGO! Within minutes of the Pitocin kicking in, my contractions were more frequent, and more intense than anything I could handle. Ryan was talking to me, and I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. All I could do was stare at the monitor, bracing myself for the next contraction. My anesthiologist showed up and started walking me through the epidural, “I don’t care, just get that thing in me!” I said. I felt a poke and boom, relief!
The first couple of hours of labor, Ryan + I spent hand in hand. We talked about how excited we were to meet our little bean, to be parents. We talked about what he was going to look like, and finalized our name choice. The spirit was so strong in room LD3. I felt so much love for that man, and the time we had just the two of us. We could not even believe, that we were about to become parents.
Over the next 17 hours, I labored.
I was progressing fairly quickly, until I got to a seven. I was stuck there for hours. Five to be exact. Eventually, they decided to do an internal check on my contractions. I was so nervous because they had to apply some contraption to my uterus and baby’s head in order to check the strength of each contraction! The nurse immediately found that my they weren’t strong enough to help me effectively dilate, so they needed to up my dosage of Pitocin. After they upped my dose, I napped. I woke up an hour and half later due to extreme pressure in my pelvic floor.
IT WAS TIME.
I called the nurse in and told her I could feel his head, that he was ready. She had me put my feet up for a “practice push” before we called Dr. Matthews in. I will never forget the look on her face when she said “Put your feet back down, don’t move, and don’t breathe. You’re crowing.” DUH. I knew that because hello, I could feel it. She ran out the door, only to run back in to tell me that she called Dr. Matthews, but wasn’t sure if he believed her. “Okay, well. You better go call him again.” I remember being like lady listen…Don’t tell me that. Just get him here. About fifteen minutes later, he showed up! He had visited me earlier in the day and promised he would be here, even if that meant leaving his family night at Classic Skating. He walked in, still wearing his lime green wrist band, and thanked me for letting him skate. Sure sure, I’ve just been here eating ice chips ‘n stuff. No prob. He gloved up, put down his bee-keeping mask, and gave me the nod. Let’s have a baby! 2.5 pushes and what seemed like only 30 seconds later, Banks Ryan Bruin was born. We did it!
First impressions.
I would be lying if I said the first thing I noticed was anything but the huge lump on the side of his head. It was the size of a golf ball, if not bigger. No one said anything, but the energy shifted. I could feel the elephant in the room. What in THE HELL. Was that. Finally, Ryan said to my doctor, “What is this lump on his head!?” It looked like a tumor, and was absolutely terrifying. My doctor casually said it was due to me being stuck at a seven for so long and that his head was literally being sucked through like a suction cup! Can you imagine how traumatizing that had to have been? I would have had a straight up panic attack if my head was being vacuumed through a hole for five seconds let alone five freaking hours! He assured us that their heads are super pliable when they’re born, and that it would be down by morning. I believed him and by morning, it was down. The rest of him was so perfect. He was alert, and calm. Those big brown eyes skimmed the room, then back to me. Tightly gripped fingers, and the cutest, I mean CUTEST feet. Fuzziest ears, and daddy’s dimples. He was sent straight from heaven. Straight from Grandma Monica’s arms.
All the feels.
Someone once told me that it was instinctual for women to cry when they first hear their newborn cry. I felt a moment of guilt that I wasn’t overly emotional, that I didn’t shed a tear. I was overwhelmed and tired, and shocked that I just pushed a baby out of my vag! Like WHAT! I never felt like I was going to be a natural mother, in fact, Ryan always had more of a connection with kids than I did. I was absolutely terrified, and felt immediate inadeqcaucy. He was here. So now what? The next couple of hours were a blur. I hadn’t eaten or drank anything for 27 hours, and my body was weak sauce. We did skin to skin for an hour and half and he made his way down to nurse all by himself. “Okay, I can do this” I told myself. From that point on, he has proven to be the easiest baby. He has made my transition to motherhood so smooth and doable. My now one year old, has taught me so much about patience, and love. He loves me the same whether my hair is done or five days unwashed. He loves me the same whether I have makeup on or if I look like Shrek. He loves me with my extra five pounds that I can’t seem to lose, and when my mustache is coming in hot. Most importantly, he loves and learns with me each day and is so patient when I fall short as a mother. He is truly everything I didn’t know I needed, and so much more!
Banks Ryan Bruin, you made February 09, 2017 the most memorable, special day of my life and I am so happy you made me your mama.
